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The Hurt
By Timothy A. Wilson | October 17, 2007
In my last BLOG I wrote about the visit of my daughter-in-law and my grand daughter and the joy of having them with us for ten days. I spoke of how our grand daughter melted our heart. Oh, how little did I know how important that visit would be for us. For on September 21, 2007 my wife and I received the worse news of our lives. Our son Derek died in an automobile accident.
Our son, the father of our first grand child is no longer with us. I can’t quite comprehend what has happened to our family. In June, we were at his wedding. In August, my daughter-in-law and grand daughter were with us in Newport and in September, my wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law are attending the funeral our youngest child. I don’t understand. I can’t comprehend why this has happened. I will not accept that God needed him in heaven because his wife and beautiful daughter need him here on earth.
Derek, had his whole life ahead of him, he was only twenty-eight years old. As a young husband and father, he was making plans for his family, ready to take on a new assignment that he was excited about and looking forward to the challenge of managing a sales office. They were in the process of making a move to Springfield Illinois – the land of Lincoln. Our last conversation, I told him that he would be successful because he had the support of his management team. He felt good about the assignment and nervous as well, because it was his first real management job.
Many have come by to offer their comfort and condolences and I wish to thank them all. But, nothing anyone can say or do will close the hole my wife and I have in our hearts. As much as I try to lean on my faith in God, I find that I keep asking why. I find that I don’t want to hear any soothing words of comfort because unless they can bring my son back they mean nothing to me. Today a long time minister friend came by. I was watching the Patriots Cleveland Brown game. We sat in my den with the TV muted, and he was going on and on until I finally had to tell him to stop. I hurt his feelings, because he was trying to comfort me, but I couldn’t take his comforting words, because the only comforting words I long to hear are “hey dad what’s up.”
To be told to have faith in God is not something I want to hear. To be told that God has a higher purpose for him is illogical. What higher purpose can the creator have for a man and women other than to raise a family which he was doing? My grand daughter has lost her daddy. My grand daughter sees us, but not her father. My grand daughter is only eleven months old, but kisses pictures of her father. She knows, but she does not understand why her father is not around. My daughter-in-law is wondering what to do next her life is in shambles.
Some who read this will tell me that I’m angry and not to lose faith in God. Let me say this, anger is an emotion that I have yet to feel. Grief, shock, and despair are the feelings I have at this moment. Faith is something that is eluding me now and I’m not sure that I have the desire or want to get it back. I just want my son back.
Topics: T.A. Wilson & Associates |
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